The Filipino, the German and the Pakistani in Saudi February 8, 2008

A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:  “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.”

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.”

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from one of most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” the Filipino replied.

“In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave.” The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

“If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

“And what is your second wish, ?” the Sheik asked.

Filipino smiled and said, “Tie the Pakistani to my back” !!!

Relo October 25, 2007

Street Vendor : “bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!”

Euro-English October 19, 2007

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English. ”

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f.” This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the language is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

English Lesson

1. Use ADIEU in a sentence.
If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.

2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
(Phone rings)…..Hello? Who SCHOOLING?

3. Use AFFECT in a sentence.
Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.

4. Use PAUL four times in a sentence.
PAUL, be care PAUL, you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL.

5. Use DELETION in a sentence.
The balat of DELETION is crispy.

6. Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in a sentence.
At the gas station, some people PAMPERS and some PAPERS.

7. Use TENACIOUS in a sentence.
I went to the shoe store to buy a pair of TENACIOUS.

8. Use IRAQ , EGYPT , and IRAN in a sentence.
I threw IRAQ at EGYPT and then IRAN .

10. Use DEFLATE in a sentence.
Can you please wash DEFLATE for me?

11. Use PERSUADING in a sentence.
Jack and Jill got married on Nov. 1, 1997. So on Nov. 1, 1998, they are
going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary.

12. Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL in a sentence.
DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE; first DEFEAT, and then DETAIL.

13. Use DEVASTATION in a sentence.
Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION.

14. Use FACT 3x in a sentence.
As a matter of FACT, the birds cannot fly without FACT FACT!